Ready For The Big O



Okay, I know that was a bit of a tease, but what you’re thinking of isn’t the O I am talking about (at least not directly).  The big O that I am talking about is a character in one of my favorite relationship books. Sadly, it is not one of the bestselling relationship books like He’s Just Not That Into You or Think Like A lady Act Like A Man. You can trust me though; I’ve read them all!

My favorite is The Missing Piece Meets the Big O by Shel Silverstein.  If you are familiar with his work you probably guessed it’s a children’s book but don’t stop reading… I promise you it’s genius.

It basically chronicles the dating life of a missing piece of a circle. He tries to find other circles to fit into, and runs into problems with each one of them.  Some ignore it, some put it on a pedestal and leave it there, and some are scared off when it makes itself more attractive. Finally it does find one it fits into and things are going swimmingly, that is until the missing piece begins to grow and no longer fits.

It stays on its journey of meeting the perfect partner and runs into one that looks different from the others. It is a complete circle. The missing piece wants to fit inside and roll with the circle but the circle explains that it isn’t missing any pieces and suggests that the missing piece roll on its own. The missing piece protests! After all it has sharp edges and can’t roll. The big O reminds the piece that sharp edges can be made smooth and encourages it to try. Eventually the missing piece decides to work on itself and manages to become it’s own big O. Later it meets up with the other circle and they roll off together. Two complete circles!

I can’t tell you how much I love the message of this book. That famous beloved scene in Jerry Maguire always bothered me when Tom Cruise tells single mom Renee Zellweger that she completes him. While I do think it was a super cute movie, something about that didn’t sit well with me. If someone or something must complete us, then we must be missing or broken. I don’t know about you but I am not sure how this is a good thing. Broken people don’t have successful relationships, whole people do. What happens when the broken pieces of you heal? You outgrow the relationship just like the missing piece did. 

Spend time wearing away your rough edges. I believe you attract what you are. If what you want is a great guy you need to be the great girl. You have got to spend time loving you before you can give that love to someone else.  There is nothing wrong with waiting until you are ready!


In the meantime here are some things to do for yourself while you are working on those rough edges:

  • Journal
  • Yoga
  • Meditation
  • Paint and Wine Nights
  • Dating for sport (fun)
  • Dance
  • Exercise
  • Run
  • Bake
  • Take that class

The list really is endless!

Until next post,

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Tonya Parker is a counselor, author and certified life coach who believes in helping women look and feel their best! Ambassador for O, The Oprah Magazine and author of Single Mom Chic

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