The Real Chic Life

How’s everyone doing? I’m currently on the precipice of yet another move. This one is slated to be our last. If you’ve been a long-time reader you probably know that we’ve moved several times over the past decade for George’s job. Now that he’s started his consulting business, we’re finally moving back home. This made me think about community and how much I long to be a part of one that will provide a sense of permanence. While all of the places we have lived have felt warm and welcoming- and offered a place for me to grow, they haven’t been able to provide me with a place to plant roots. 

All of this upheaval associated with the move has made me think about friendships. Those I’ll leave behind, those I’ll reconnect with, and the new ones I hope to make. I see myself hosting wine/game nights and playing pickleball with my newfound friends (I’ve never played pickleball by the way) which got me thinking about a topic that comes up quite a bit- how difficult it can be to make new friends in adulthood.

Making friends as an adult can feel challenging, but it’s completely possible with the right mindset and approach. Unlike childhood or college, where friendships happen naturally, adult friendships require intentional effort. Whether you’ve moved to a new city, changed jobs, or simply want to expand your social circle, here’s how to build meaningful connections in adulthood.

1. Shift Your Mindset

Instead of thinking, “It’s too hard to make friends as an adult,” remind yourself that many people are in the same boat. Friendships don’t happen overnight—be patient and open to new connections. In Mel Robins’ New Book The Let Them Theory, she has a whole chapter on this (actually there are three). In one chapter Mel shares how after relocating to a new city she’d go to her local coffeeshop and write herself notes on her phone about the people she met there (names, occupations, etc) so that when she saw them again she could engage with them more purposefully. She also shares a story about feeling really lonely after the move. She shared that with her daughters coaxing her, she walked up to the house of a woman she had met six months earlier. Embarrassed and nervous, she knocked on the woman’s door, and said hello. They became walking partners a week later. While many of us might not be that brave (or have daughters to push us forward) the point is it’s important to shift into a can-do mindset whether you’re new in town or not- and take active steps to make new friends, which leads me to my next suggestion. 

2. Say Yes to Social Opportunities

Even if you feel hesitant, accept invitations to events, group activities, or casual meetups. You never know when a casual acquaintance could turn into a close friend.

Attend work or community events. One of the things I did in my current city was join a foundation board. It’s a great way to give back to the community and make authentic, long-lasting connections. 

Join a group fitness class or hobby club. I belong to Club Pilates right now, and can’t wait to transfer my membership to the new (well old) city that we move to. I’ve met some pretty fabulous women in class who I do have quite a bit in common with. 

Go to networking or social meetups. As a writer, I have attended quite a few local writing conferences, and have met new friends as a result. Whatever it is that you enjoy or want to learn more about, networking and social meetups are excellent avenues for meeting like-minded people. 

3. Reconnect with Old Friends

Sometimes, new friendships start by rekindling old ones. I have so many good friends that I haven’t seen as often as I’d like because proximity is one of the biggest factors in making and maintaining friendships. Being closer will allow me to rekindle some of those former connections. Even if you aren’t making a big move you can still reach out to former classmates, coworkers, or childhood friends you lost touch with—you already have shared history to build on! This is one I can’t wait to do.

4. Join Interest-Based Groups

Finding like-minded people is easier when you pursue hobbies or interests:

• Book clubs (local or online). 

• Sports teams or fitness classes

• Volunteering for a cause you care about

• Creative workshops (art, writing, cooking classes, etc.)

5. Take the Initiative

A friendly attitude makes all the difference. Smile, make eye contact, and show genuine interest in conversations. Small gestures can create big connections. And don’t wait for others to make the first move. If you enjoy talking to someone, suggest:

 •Grabbing coffee

 •Attending an event together

•Going for a walk or workout (ala Mel Robins)

Friendships grow through consistent interactions, so don’t hesitate to follow up!

6. Use Social Apps for Friendships

There are apps designed for meeting new people, like:

• Bumble BFF (for casual friendships)
• Meetup (for interest-based groups)
• Facebook Groups (for local or niche communities)

7. Be Patient & Enjoy the Process

Friendships take time to develop. Stay open, consistent, and kind—the right connections will form naturally.

Making friends in adulthood is about effort and openness. By stepping out of your comfort zone and engaging with new people, you’ll find friendships that add joy and meaning to your life.

What’s worked for you when making new friends? Let us know in the comments!

Until Next Post,

Xo Tonya Parker