How to Be Your Very Own Trophy Wife


How to Be Your Very Own Trophy Wife

Yes, you read that correctly. I am going to tackle a subject that might make some people cringe. The idea of being a trophy wife conjures up images that really aren’t seen as flattering or particularly positive. We often visualize a much younger woman married to a distinguished, or not so distinguished, but almost always wealthy male. Typically the wife is very attractive and that alone is enough to land her smack dab in the kingdom of wealth and luxury. Her only real job is keeping up with the trophy wife image. Think Margot Robbie in Wolf of Wall Street.

For quite some time I have debated this topic. My position has always been that we aren’t giving the trophy wives enough credit. Wait…hear me out. I believe that many women who are referred to as trophy wives (behind their backs of course) are actually pretty distinguished themselves and are more ½ of a power couple than a full on trophy. Think more along the lines of Queen B to Jay Z, and while I am rocking the boat just a little I might as well throw in Kim K and Kanye, or if you want to class it up and throw it back a little then one of my all time favorites- Jackie O, might come to mind. Yes, these women look the part, but there is a lot more to them than just outer appearance. Many of them have their own top level careers, businesses, accolades, and would most likely live just as well on their own if they weren’t part of a power couple duo.

So, how do these women do it? How do they manage to look great while keeping all the other balls in the air? To be fair part of it is resource related. They can certainly afford to hire out mundane jobs like house cleaning and grocery shopping, but that doesn’t mean that those of us with fewer resources can’t look amazing and still be goal diggers.

Here is how to be your very own trophy wife in 5 Easy Steps:

Practice Self Care– the reason that trophy wives look so good is because they are well taken care of. That means self care. Make sure you are not treating yourself as an afterthought. Drink enough water, exercise, meditate, ditch the sweatpants and wrinkled tees and dress well. Do what it takes to make sure you feel your best. When you feel good you look good too.
Delegate– you might not be able to hire out, but make sure you aren’t trying to be superwoman. If you have children who are old enough to make their own beds, let them. Create a chore chart and divvy up child appropriate duties. Martyrs aren’t sexy, stop trying to do it all. Make sure you enlist people on your team (not necessarily your payroll) who can help you out in a pinch.
Lean in to Your Career- stop waiting to be rescued, stop waiting for your kids to get older, stop waiting until the universe lines up perfectly. Decide to lean in today. What do you need to do to advance? Perhaps you need to blow the dust off and update your resume, look for opportunities to create additional streams of income, create a business plan or go back to school for an additional certification or degree.

Date on Your Level (or higher)- okay, this is going to be tough to hear but so many women compromise what they want for what they think they can have right now. It is okay to have standards. There is nothing wrong with wanting the same things you have to offer in another person. Stop settling and date like a man. Men typically have a good idea of what they are looking for in a partner. You will constantly hear men joking about “out punting their coverage” only they aren’t joking… contrary to the trophy wife looks only stereotype, most successful men want to date up. Stop with the savior stuff and date up too.
Mother Like a Boss– If you are already a mom (which most of my readers are) keep on mothering like the boss I know you already are. If you don’t have kids yet but feel like this is an area that you would want to add to, then get some practice. Nieces, nephews, and your best friend’s kids will work. Trophy wives look like super moms because they take mothering seriously. Your birthday parties don’t have to be pinterest worthy but you need to know how to get those pesky carrot stains out of toddler tees and baby bibs and where to order the best cupcakes if you aren’t going all Betty Crocker with them.

Now you might find that being a trophy wife isn’t for you and that’s okay too. I still think that all moms could benefit from upping the ante in these five areas just a bit but there’s nothing wrong with living somewhere in the middle if that’s where you feel most comfortable. But if you want more then go for it. Remember you don’t need a partner either to be trophy worthy. You can be your very own trophy wife!

I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Until next post,

xo signature

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Tonya Parker is a counselor, author and certified life coach who believes in helping women look and feel their best! Ambassador for O, The Oprah Magazine and author of Single Mom Chic

18 thoughts on “How to Be Your Very Own Trophy Wife

  1. Trophy wife make me think of a woman who is pursued by a wealthy man based on superficial standards. As the mom of a daughter, I try to instill in her the importance of education so she is able to navigate life choices from a intellectual and social perspective. I am very clear with both kids that celebrities who reach fame and are able to sustain to make the Forbes list are fortunate to have solid team to protect and support their brand. I think Jackie O married with intention in terms of not settling and married men on her level. As a single mom, I wholeheartedly agree of making ourselves a priority and not settling for less. It took being divorced for me to realize I was not living my best life. I feel more in charge of my what I need on my terms.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, that is certainly the connotation that the term has and I totally agree with you that our daughters need to focus on education and being their best selves so that the world is their oyster. I think we do such a great job of taking care of our kids but sometimes we forget to take care of ourselves. I am so glad that you are making yourself a priority and living on your own terms now! ❤


  2. Great post! I love this concept. I agree that trophy wives are typically well rounded people who would be successful on their own. Being your own trophy involves being well rounded and practicing self-care. Great tips.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I enjoyed this read. It’s always good to have a reminder. Sometimes you (I)forget that in order to be your best self as a wife and momma you have to give yourself some loving too and it’s ok not to do it all, but do what you do well! 😘

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is a great post with some interesting points. I struggle with the need to be there for my family and the need to “lean in” to my career. I do like your title, especially since it’s not about being someone else’s trophy. I keep thinking “I ain’t no one’s trophy, Goose” from Greece 2. Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Enjoyed your take on the trophy wife, I also agree that behind every good man is an even better woman. Someone that takes care of herself and her man and her family. I feel that our men and our children are a direct reflection of us as woman. They watch us and learn from us always. Lean in to your career and stop using an excuse. You may not think it, but men love powerful, strong woman who can hold their own and aren’t’ afraid to show up. Thanks, good read.

    Liked by 1 person

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